Animal Speak

IF animals could talk to humans - in every day life situations - what would they say??

Scene 1:

Road Cow - a simple village road - two lane - speeding car - happy humans... suddenly out of nowhere a cow appears in the middle of the road!!! GODDAMN IT!!!! screaching skidding honking, the humans yell insults. Unmoved, the cow starts to slowly move to the side of the road. Happily chewing on its cud. The human is still yelling, no space for him to move. Insults like, "bloody animal", "slow creature", "bloody beef curry" and the like start to flow...

What does the cow say?? - "Bloody humans - in a bloody hurry all the time, cant even slow down. I am moving naa, not like i am standing in the middle of the road just to annoy. I liked the cool tar on my skin, and here he is irritating me. Bloody human"

Scene 2:
Human "walking" his dog!! Actually the dog is practically making the human, who is engrossed with his better half on the phone exchanging sweet nothings, run... all of a sudden the dog stops cold turkey, squats and lets loose his pile of shit!!! (he still has not started talking yet - ;-)) and the human caught unaware, steps into it.... FACHAAK!!! The human starts yelling at the dog, "bloody animal", "you have to stop in the way", and so on and so forth... POOR Dog!! (you think??)

What do you think the dog says?? "Stupid human - cant even look and walk, even i can side step a pile of shit... ur supposed to be walking me but here i have to take you around as if I am the one walking you, but then who would see the difference... I am just doing my business... this is how i do it... you be careful.. anyway you are so slow... bloody overweight oaf!!!!"

Do let me know if there are any other such thoughts!!

i know one thing, i am not going to take animals for granted, because although they dont talk, they are smarter than most humans,, maybe this one is you????